Turns out GWAR is already taken. … A crushing realization.

I’m a writer who doesn’t write.

At least that’s how I’ve described myself over the last year. It’s … discouraging. But I guess it’s also a half-truth, to be fair. I am a full-time writer, yet few of the words I write are actually mine. I’m almost always speaking for someone else. And it’s not that they don’t have good things to say, or good reasons to say them, it’s just that they have enough sense to have me say things less absurdly, less long-windedly, and with far fewer dragons than I’d otherwise be wont to do.

It’s a matter of motivation, of course. I don’t write more of my own stuff because I choose not to. But after writing all day, it’s hard to go home and muster the will to write for several more hours. Especially when I just want to chill out, max, and relax all cool with my wife.

Any suggestions? I think step one is just writing more nonsense and iceberg-floating it out to sea. Which I intend to do. Until Global Climate Change’s endgame, anyway.

So with that preface, I’ll blog a bit.

I attended a conference with my wife a couple of weeks ago. It was good, and quite informative, but by the last session of the day my mind had started to amble about a bit. So I decided I’d try to salvage the time by doing something productive—brainstorming random and inane band names. Turned out to be an engaging way to spend the hour. Here they are in the order they appear in my notes, if not all in the order in which I wrote them:

Chuck LeDoux
The Millennial Falcons
Savings & Loan
Vespa Espionage
The Damn Daniels
Waco Shake-down
Al Kemmy & the Golden Boys
Plato’s Cave-in
Fabula Rasa
Java Lamp
Lava Lamb
Nine Old Gringos
Written in the Margins
Rocket Scions
Round the Bend
20,000 Leagues
Clive Chowder & the Manhattan Clam Band
The Eight Teen Wheelers
These Blustery Days
Porrest Trump
Fire Sale
Magnum π
Secret Sandwich
Life Without Annette
Lost on the Moors
The Rubble Alliance
Save Me, Michaela Quinn!
Cracker Jackalope
The Tao of Now
Desert Paintbrush
Système Internationale
Red Rover & the J-yard Dogs
Streets of Cobblestone
Alex P. Keaton
800-Pound Guerrilla
Groucho Mars
Al Pastor
Ode to Autumn
Curious Aftertaste
The Last Beekeeper
Kublai’s Con Men
Treble Yell
Across the Bow
McMurdo Station
Tristesse Oblige
G.I. Jogurt
Jane’s Casual Interest
Hobo Roadmap
Viking Funeral
Hundred Acre Wood
Toad Switch
Electro Shepherd
Fight of the Month Club
Tío Escondido
Krav Maga
The Savage Beast
Han Shot First
Closed Till Ragnarok
Elora Danan
Ape Ricotta
Interstellar Medium
Jaded Blue Jeans
Digital Natives
Better Left Unsaid
Kyle & Error
Great Salt Wake
M. Bison
Guided by Fire
Summer Soldiers
Carl Owes Santa Anna
Skip Fayes & the Subli-Mates