No, Doc, nothing was wrong with the earth’s gravitational pull. Our diets were just a tad too O’Boisterous.

Does anyone else miss Starburst Fruit Twists? Or Reese’s Crunchy Cookie Cups Miniatures? Or Sprite Remix? Or the early ’90s when diabetes hadn’t been discovered yet? And on the not-so-sweet (read that: Atlantic-level-salty) side of that coin are dreams of Keebler O’Boisies and Munch ’ems.

I have wonderfully sour-cream-and-oniony memories of car trips as a child. I don’t remember where we went. I just remember the Munch ’ems. And I remember that my mom shared with me, even though I knew she didn’t want to. No one would have. But she’s one o’ the great’ns, my mom.

Mickey’s Parade Ice Pops. PB Max. Crispy M&M’s. Oh, and Shark Bites. The great whites were well worth my dentist’s disappointed-in-you-Tim sighs.

What am I missing?

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